How can we measure dependence: on one another, on someone else, on something happening, not happening, being possible? Are there equivalences, as well as mitigations? When you decide to show up or stay out of it, can you imagine the consequences beyond that choice? And what about the times when showing up means staying where you are?
We all weigh these equations in our heads many times a day; this kind of calculation is so deeply ingrained that we don’t usually notice we’re working so hard on it. We shape our lives based on these decisions big and small, and look back on them as turning points, revelations, regrets.
Hard as it is to figure who or what we can show up for and why, how much more difficult can it be to realize and acknowledge all the ways we are supported, in webs that may stretch much farther than we can sense? It hurts our pride sometimes, depletes our self-esteem, shifts the balance in our mind that helps us keep upright and moving forward. We’re more inclined to think we can shake off these delicate attachments, or what may be worse, disregard them.
In all of it, here’s the rub: when pressures or burdens become too much to handle, what do we do? Can we unload enough to save ourselves; can we live well if we choose to neglect or abandon someone or something we truly cherish? The truth is, we are lucky if we have these choices. More common in the world is the silent acceptance of immovable weights. It may not seem like comfort, but it’s offered in that spirit.
